Insert Trouble
by WriterGreenReads
Summary: You are innocently hunting through Fanfiction, and you come across this Reader insert for Hetalia! You click on it, thinking, what the heck, why not? Noooooo. Bad idea.


**Please note, that this is a complete parody. I do not mean to insult anybody. And I don't own anything but this story.**

* * *

"Hey you! Youuuuuu! Waaaaaaiiiitt!" the fangirl fanfiction writer shrieks as she sprints after you, waving a groups of papers that she has clutched in her hand. A little startled at this sudden intrusion, you stop and wait for her to catch up.

"Hi!" she giggles, pushing some hair out of her face. "Can we talk?" All of a sudden, there's a small table with two chairs standing in the middle of the room. "Oooookay…" you say, a little confused. You sit down at the table across from her.

"So I'm {INSERT PENNAME HERE} and I'm writing a fanfiction about you!"

You blink. "Wait, doesn't that completely destroy the fourth wall or something?" you ask.

She rolls her eyes. "No, silly! It's called a reader insert. So you get to be _in_ the story, having the adventures with the characters themselves. Doesn't that sound cool?!"

Thoughtfully, you nod, thinking it over. "I guess that would be kind of cool. It's got a nice premise, at least." You tilt your head, looking her over. "Do you have a script, or an idea or anything? What fandom would this be for?"

She plants the huge bundle of papers on the middle of the table, looking incredibly pleased with herself. "Well, the first one will be in the main Hetalia universe, but I want to branch out and do others as well after this becomes the most popular fanfiction out there." You nod, privately thinking that maybe fifteen people, tops, will probably read it.

She hands you the first page and starts talking with unbelievable speed. "Okay, so you're the country of {NOGEOGRAPHICALREALITYWHATSOEVER} and-"

"Whoa, whoa, hold up." You raise a hand, interrupting her ramblings. "What country am I again?"

"Oh, the small _beautiful_ {NOGEOGRAPHICALREALITYWHATSOEVER}. And so, at-"

"I'm the _what_?"

"{NOEGEOGRAPHICALCONTINUITYWHATSOEVER}, I said that, like, three times already!"

You frown. "I don't think that's a country… that doesn't even make any sense! Where is this so-called country anyways?"

"It's in Europe. Duh. And you're a beautiful white girl with dreamy {COLOR} orbs and long, silky-"

"Wait. " You hold up a hand again, this time a little peeved. "Why am I automatically a girl? And white? How do you know? Maybe I'm a black guy that just happens to enjoy reading and writing on this website. And did you seriously just refer to my eyes as _orbs_? What are they, marbles?!"

The fangirl fanfiction writer looks thunder-struck, mouth gaping like a fish. "But… but…" she splutters. "You HAVE to be a white girl! It's the only thing that fits!" All of a sudden, a dreamy look comes over her face. "But you could be secretly hiding your bountiful feminine curves from the rest of the countries because you're pretending to be a boy!"

"Say what?"

"That's perfect!" Snatching the paper out of your hands, she quickly picks up another one and starting scribbling frantically on it. "So in this scene, with the total hottie country {YOU CHOOSE}-" she looks up. "By the way, _all_ the countries have _total_ sexual tension with you. Except Hungary, because she's acting like a complete self-insert of myself- did I really just say that?" She frowns and taps on the computer screen. "Stupid fourth wall must be on the fritz again. But anyway, he takes off your mask and your wig in secret and your luscious locks flow dreamily down your back…"

"Stop, stop." You sigh and face palm. "Why do I have a mask and wig? If I was a girl pretending to be a guy, wouldn't I just cut my hair? And what type of a mask stays on 24/7? Have you never seen Mulan or something?"

"But then you can't have your long luscious locks flow dreamily down your back!"

"Fine," you groan. You're starting to regret ever clicking on this story link. "Let's just move on, and we'll try to come back to this."

She pouts. "Fine." She reaches across the table and hands you another page. "Here's the first scene."

You take it and start reading it. "Hold on… Isn't this the first episode?" You squint suspiciously at her.

She shrugs. "I don't think so."

You frown, jabbing the paper with a finger. "But it is! Look, here's Switzerland yelling his 'Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize line' and this is Germany's exact ending rant, right down to the 'PASSSTTTAAAA' from Italy. There's no original content." You make a face. "Well, except for the me ogling the other male countries because they're _so sexy_ bit."

"Alright, it is the first episode because I'm completely unoriginal and can't write humor to save my li- hey, stop that, fourth wall!"

Growing tired of the whole ridiculous situation, you start flipping through the rest of the papers, grimacing as you come across some particular horribly written scenes. Does she not know how punctuation and capitalization work or something? You gaze falls on one paper that seems to have been fondled the most lovingly. Feeling a growing sense of dread, you pick it up and read it. Your eyes bug out.

"What the- IS THIS A SEX SCENE?!" you scream. Nope, you're done. You stand up, flipping the table. The papers spill everywhere, fading hopefully back to whatever document writer they were uploaded from.

"IS THIS PORN OR SOMETHING TO YOU?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO INFLICT YOUR HORRIBLE FANTASIES ON THE WORLD?! IT'S BURNED INTO MY BRAIN!"

You storm off, grumbling to yourself. "Wait! {Name}!" the fangirl fanfiction writer calls after you. "I didn't even show you my other ones yet! See, in this one, you're the hottest character's sexy girlfriend, and you're also the most powerful person in this universe, and…. and…."

Her voice finally fades from the screen. Sighing, you decide, to heck with the fourth wall, (he's already not in very good shape after this fic) and turn directly to the screen.

"Does this ever happen to you?" you demand, looking slightly shell-shocked. "Or is it just me?"

You wave good-bye. "Well, see you. Hopefully you guys won't ever run into her. She's scary!"

(You trip over the _Fine_ as you walk off screen, searching for some other fanfics that hopefully won't traumatize you)


End file.
